To Be, or to do: that is the question.

She wildly swings her hips, trying to catch the bamboo hoop with each evolution. The more she swings the more recklessly the hoop catapults to the ground. "See, I can't do it," she signs to me. "Try again, but use very small motions." I respond. She tries again and this time the hoop stays around her waist, gracefully swaying, until she decided to stop, letting it fall rhythmically to the ground. While I watched, I couldn't help but think, how much hula hooping is like the challenges I went through coming to a being culture from my doing motherland.


Those who know me will know that I am a chronic-doer. I am rarely not overbooked.

My approach to life:

Give your all.

Attempt to take a time of giving less.

Fail.

Repeat.

A random two days in my life.  And, yes, it is color coordinated by area of my life.

How does this contrast with the norms of Cambodia?
A recent conversation I had with a friend demonstrates the contrast well.  This friend and I were talking about a potential trip to another province for a weekend away.

Karen: "What about date x (four months in advance)?"
Friend (looks at me like I am loopy):  "We'll see when it gets closer."
Karen (an ignorant foreigner): "But, if it is not on my schedule now, it will not happen because I am already booking that far out."
Friend (rolls his eyes and laughs)
Karen (with semi-feigned exasperation): "Why is it that Cambodians can't plan in advance?"
(Note: I have known him for three years and so I know this question will not offend him.  I would never ask something that directly of a stranger in a culture not my own but he and I have a relationship of straight shooting questions).
Friend:"Why would we? If you are free, you are free. If you are busy, than you can't have that experience. If the time comes and you don't have the money, you just don't do it."


You are where you are with what you have and that is it. For those of you reading this, coming from a doer culture, this sounds crazy to us. Why don't you just plan? Make your reality? Make your future? But, this also leads to making a whole lot of stress... Something many of my Cambodian friends see clearly and find baffling.


Within a being culture, such as I have encountered in Cambodia, people know the word rest.  I joke with people here that I know rest (using the one of three words for know that means to have knowledge of something) but I don't know rest (using the word to know how to do something).  For me, 'rest' means I am not in the office and I have a break in time for my own projects - blogs, grocery shopping, making food, catching up with friends, exercise, showering, normal stuff.  My colleagues see it differently.  When talking with a Cambodian colleague about what I did on my days off, the colleague simply responded, "No wonder you always look so tired and old."

A few times in my life, I have been included in Cambodian 'rest' (because I knew the offer would come so I put it on my calendar months in advance and then when the invitation arrived one day before, I was already packed). For those friends, rest literally is doing nothing. Sitting and doing nothing. Maybe laying on the floor and doing nothing. Maybe talking with people, but doing nothing. It is very impressive to me, and something I should follow more for the good of my own mental health. 


This all brings up the big question, how do we reconcile these two ways of existing, that seem to clash, in a world where the different ways of being will continue to have more and more contact? And, this is where the hula hoop comes in (at least for me).

As a person who longs to do better at just being... I strive to follow the lead of my Khmer country-mates. To be OK without a schedule that goes out six months. To be OK with space in my life that can be empty or filled depending on the whim of life or the needs of those in my life. To be able to finally really know the word for rest. To be able to accept not everything must be means to an end. It is a balance of small but intentional movements that keep us spinning through life. If we try to do, do, do our erratic convulsing will send the whole thing plummeting to the ground (sooner or later). Likewise, if we just stand there, the hoop will never rise to full potential. But, if we do slowly and intentionally while also being present, we can keep on spinning indefinitely.

This post is part of Blogging Abroad's 2017 New Years Blog Challenge, week three: Cultural Differences.