The World Cries With Us

Sometimes, the Universe plays the song you need to hear.

For those that did not yet know, my beloved Grandma passed away this past Saturday.  For those that didn't have the privilege of knowing her, she is the Grandma I often described as a lot like me but with different 'issues' about which she was passionate.  She cooked everything from scratch.  Made the world's best sourdough bread and apricot jam, for some reason that is all I want to eat at the moment but am getting by on cookies and ice cream.  Her "People" were her top priority.  She was passionately committed to the Catholic church and working against issues she found to be injustices.  She had a competitive streak, especially if a deck of cards was involved, that was unmatched.  She was frugal in her own life but generous to those in need and in her support of her people and causes.  Basically, she was pretty awesome.  If anyone would like to join hearts with my family, she was a huge fan of the rosary but any moment of prayer and good vibes would be appreciated on May 3, from 9:30am -11am (ish) they will be having the funeral in Oregon.  Since, I can't be there in person, I am inviting others to also be there in spirit with me and the whole famalam.

So, why do I say the universe plays the song you need to hear?  I was sitting on my floor, reading her obituary, and crying my eyes out with Wallace the stuffed bear (moments ago).  When suddenly, the world started crying with me.  In our 100 plus degree days, these rains are magical on the tin roofs and rare occurrences.  I, literally, went and stood in the road for about five minutes, until I was soaked to the core and every Khmer person that saw me was completely convinced I was insane.  This one is for you, Grandma!

The World Cries With Us (by Karen Bortvedt for Gma)

 Sometimes the lightning slices through your body, imploding your heart, sending pain through every nerve.
And, sometimes, the thunder rattles your bones, shaking you to the very core.
Sometimes the lightning, burns up your every routine and rhythm, your very way of life.
And, sometimes, the world cries with you.


Sometimes, the skies darken, hiding every light and hope.
And, sometimes, the clouds roll in without warning or a chance to run.
Sometimes, the darkness blots out the future and the past, even the flowers shield their face.
And, sometimes, the world cries with you.


Sometimes, the rains crash down, soaking every molecule of your being.
And, sometimes, the deluge leaves you cold and alone.
Sometimes, the rains flood out all you hoped to do and leave you with nothing but washed out memories and dreams.
And, sometimes the world cries with you.


But, sometimes, the sun breaks through those clouds.
And, sometimes, those same rains baptize us to a new way of life.
Sometimes, the downpour will wash away our pain.
Because, we know we are not alone when the world cries with us.

Journey Inwards

This past week (or two weeks), I was away for ten days at a yoga and meditation retreat.  It was the Khmer New Year here which meant things shut down for a while and so I figured it was a good time to journey inwards.  This is some of what I found.


Ok, I didn't find this inside of me.  This was a bit of the six hour bus ride up to Siem Reap (my retreat was outside Siem Reap in a small farming village).  This was filmed specifically for my cousin Zachary who valiantly attempted to teach me the Gangam Style dance at our other cousin's wedding.  Some good tunes were played in my Cambodian bus.  You will notice, the road is a bit rough.  People with money generally fly to Siem Reap from Phnom Penh, thus, no pressure to fix the roads.  But, it was still better than Ghana's Eastern road, to put it in perspective.

So, I digress.  I made my retreat at a place called Hariharalaya which offers 10-day to forever retreats at which folks can learn yoga/meditation and have many opportunities to practice.  They have a very peaceful location in a rural area, though very close to one of the temples on the Angkor Wat tour circuit.  There were trees (mango, banana, coconut, plus others I don't know), oh how I have missed such things.  I stayed in a simple dorm, thatch roof and room for the wind to blow in between the joints.  I would fall asleep to the sounds of hundreds of crickets, geckos, frogs, toads, dogs, and the thumping of the neighbor's sound system.  It was beautiful.  They also served us three vegan meals each day made with all local foods.  That, too, was beautiful.  Foods were not to spicy and relatively simple, as complex foods and spicy foods impact ones body increasing anxiety and decreasing ability to concentrate (you can choose to buy that or not, but as a person whose stomach can't handle complex foods and who feels better not eating meat, it works for me).

Each day, we spent time 'practicing' yoga, meditation, chanting, and working on centering.  I spent three of the days in silence, two without reading and writing attempting to further slow myself down.  Why do all of this?  The theories behind this, in my opinion, is that we are all so rush, stimulated and connected, in today's world especially, and taking time to recenter allows us to have better focus, to be more content and at peace with the way things are, living in the present moment instead of constantly longing for the past or dreaming of the future.

As many of you know, this is far more easily said than done.  On the longest days of meditation and yoga, including my personally added time to increase the amount of stretching and get the most out of my 10-days, it was about eight hours of sitting still or practicing yoga.  HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO SIT UNMOVING FOR 50 MINUTES, at one time, in 100 degree weather with mosquitoes and flies having a party on every bit of bare flesh they can find, without opening your eyes?  :)  Needless to say, at times, it took every ounce of my stubbornness to sit still.

I have yet to master the stilling of my mind, the body was a tough enough task but definitely made me more aware of how much we move in this life.  I also have been reminded how we are conditioned to believe an ability to multitask, getting pulled in multiple directions at once, watching tv, while eating, texting, and having a dinner party is a skill, while I think that constant over stimulation may also be to our detriment (she writes while eating watermelon, checking her email, and contemplating if she should stay up and study more Khmer or just go to sleep).

So, yes, have I been changed for life?  Maybe.  I am trying to continue meditating multiple times each day and am paying more attention to my breathing.  I have noticed my ability to concentrate is stronger than when I left and I internally feel less frantic/anxious.  Part of my embarking on this new path and moving to Cambodia was to become a more patient person, so this is one more tool in my toolbox. *Huh, tool, I know how to say that in Khmer, she thinks as her mind again jumps away from the blog on which she is working*

I leave you with a few photos of the peaceful place I called home for ten days.

 

This was one of three outdoor showers.  It is called the Mango Shower as it is covered by a mango tree.  It was a freshing shower experience!

 

This is the yoga and meditation hall.  Though, when in use it quickly filled with mats, pillows, and around 20-40 people.

 

From my dorm, this was one of the views.  Look at all them trees :)  Notice the hammocks and outdoor sink.

  

There was one swing tied to a tree.  I spent many free moments on that swing.  This was my view.  The fence detracted just a wee bit.  It was fun to watch the world go by my little escape from reality.

 

This is the view from the fence.  Crazy foreigner on a swing :)

 

Sometimes this guy would keep me company, he seemed to live near the swing.  He also liked to sing me to sleep at night. Maybe I should have given him a smooch for his hard work.

 

Nothing profound.  But yet, so profound.  Slowing down to see the flowers.

 

And, the ants.  These ants apparently are very sour.  They are fried up with beef for a specialty dish served regularly at weddings.  I was just impressed with their work ethic.  They also always stopped to greet each other :)

 

I don't know the story of this red bug, but he was pretty cute.  This one was for you Mallory C.!

Critters of Cambodia, AKA my housemates

After you have all seen a bit about my house here, I thought I would share about all those who live in this space.

You already met Tony, the guard dog.

We also share our space with a good number of geckos/lizards/salamanders, I am at a loss for which they are.  Such details of biology are best left to other members of my family.  They range in size from as big as my forearm to little tiny guys.  Here is one of the little guys I caught.  He was hanging out on the floor and I feared he would get smashed, so I moved him to a safe corner. But, first he had a photo shoot.

 

I named this one Lizard-Beth Salamander.  Kudos to all who know what book I was reading when that name came about...

 

  

This is my favorite picture!  You can see all the insides!  This is one of those moments where I said, wow, life is pretty cool.

Then, there are these little guys...  I will give you a hint.  They go marching one-by-one hurrah!

For those who have read One Hundred Years of Solitude, I try not to think about that book while observing these in every part of my kitchen.  I literally have to wash out my teapot every time before I use it as the little buggers seem to now like to hang out in there.  I need to start farming more Lizard-Beths to help with this problem...

And, last, but certainly not least.  When I went to take a shower the other day.  This little friend was hanging out in the window.

 

Hopefully, he had a nice snack of any mosquitoes that happened to wander by the house. As you can see, he was tiny!