Advent Week One... Overcoming addiction

Dear Friends,

Happy Hanukkah! These are my reflections on my week without personal email/facebook/useless internet surfing...

I now have even greater respect for individuals who have overcome an addiction. I have to say I also didn't realize how much I use my email as an escape. I woke up a week ago and as normal I thought, I wonder if anyone sent me an email and I am so excited it is Sunday because that is when Postsecrets changes their posted secrets :) Throughout the week while I was baking, cooking, or before leaving work my default would be, I should check my email. When I would get home from work I would think I should check facebook and see if I needed to poke someone or wish someone a happy Birthday. In the few spare moments I had through out the week, I started thinking of planning my Christmas break (which largely means visiting folks in Oregon) and again would be foiled by the lack of 'communication ability.' I had some attempt at a social life this week and am planning a holiday party for next week, both of which again are more difficult without the email and facebook to which I have grown accustomed. I also did wake up excited to be able to again check my email. I definitely did not realize the level to which email/facebook primarily had so completely taken over my life. I do think to some degree instead of being means to an end they have become an end in themselves. It is my opinion that those tools should be used as just that - a way to assist in communication with people. Instead I have to some degree I think allowed them to become an idol in my life with which I have an active, yet one sided relationship.

Without the "privilege" of these things in my life I did notice a shift in my behavior. I found I spent more time reading, socializing in person, and probably sleeping without the constant draw of the computer. I also found I had to let go of some of my control freak-ness. I couldn't easily shoot someone a message to figure out our evening plans. I also had to be willing to accept that I would potentially miss some opportunities (I heard recently and may have quoted here that life is nothing but a bunch of missed opportunities - not in a negative way because for every opportunity missed that means another was taken advantage of).

I read a book two summer ago that talked about the important of mindfulness and focusing on just one thing at a time for inner peace. I have to say that without the computer that was much easier. I normally can be found in the kitchen cooking, cleaning, eating, reading emails, responding to emails, some times talking on the phone/texting/G-Chatting, while making my next to-do list and checking things off of my current to-do list. Needless to say, I am probably not doing any of these things to the best of my ability because I am only using one-tenth of my ability on any task. So in addition to learning of my addiction, I have relearned the importance of mindfulness (and will most likely have to relearn that one another million times in my life time).

I do think I will try perhaps to only use the email every other day or something along those lines so that it again is a tool to help me instead of the all consuming addiction that it seems to have become in my life. This week of computer fasting has definitely been an enlightening experience.

For the next six days, I will be on the beans, rice, corn, squash, apples, and milk diet to see what I learn about taking for granted the great variety and accessibility of food in my life. Though in looking at that huge list, I feel like I am granting myself too much variety...

Also one final tangent, do to my being out and about more this week, because I wasn't wasting so much time on the computer, I have been spending a lot of time on the bus (which is always an eye-opening experience to encounter humanity). I have noticed, and come to realize, those who are living with less, often in economic poverty, tend to wish others a "blessed day" or to even say "I am blessed!" more than individuals of higher economic standings. I especially notice this on the bus and in many of the phone calls I answer at work. I have never had a person calling to donate furniture bless my day or talk about how blessed their life is but regularly have folks calling to get furniture bless my day or in response to "how are you?" say 'I am blessed' (which is often then followed by 'and could you tell me how much longer until I can come get a bed')... I am still formulating my reflections on that but just find it interesting...

Have a blessed week and rest of Hanukkah for those of you 'in the tribe.' I think this week the advent candle symbolizes peace if I remember correctly... So on that note, peace be with you.