R.E.S.P.E.C.T. What it means to me

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.  We can all spell it, thank you Ms. Franklin, but what does that really look like?  I have recently been reflecting on this both from the standpoint of transitioning to a new culture and in dealing with difficult people from my own 'culture.'  In Cambodia, and I am told in much of SE Asia, there is great emphasis on not-losing-face and a fairly strict hierarchy in respect for people, names are very rarely used without the familial age identifier (example: I am Big Sister Karen to people slightly younger than me, I am Younger Auntie if I  am their parents' age, I am older Auntie if I am older than their parents, etc).  Being old gets you more respect; being male gets you more respect; being rich gets you more respect.  Heck, if you are the king in Cambodia, there is a whole special version of the language used for you and your family... oh, and God.

The respect issue I have encountered recently is authority related.  Now, many of you will say, "Oh no, not authority, Karen doesn't do so well with that... " (correction, I have no trouble with intelligent authority ;)).  But, I have more encountered this in the sense that I do not receive respect because I am not authority (Sadly, I was not sharp enough to pick up on this on my own until someone else said to me, "Karen (s)he doesn't respect you because you are not authority. (S)he only gives weight to things coming from above and only shares up) *INSERT MIND BLOW HERE.*

I guess I forgot there are people who function in such a way.   It made me reflect a lot on how the world works.  Here is my dilemma with all of this respect.  I very strongly believe that I owe a complete stranger the same respect I owe to my grandfather, that I owe to the president, or the person struggling with addiction, or my best friend, or the Dalai Lama.  You see my point (but if you disrespect my people, oh I will be spittin' mad and see no point in respecting you, pacifism out the window, so look out ;)!).  So, I struggle to understand why I am disrespected based on who knows what.  Or in general, I struggle to understand disrespect.  As I have recently encountered it, this seems to stem from a self-centered attitude of only looking out for the all powerful ME.  Example, if it doesn't bother me, I won't do it.  If I see no direct benefit to me, I won't do it.  Or, from fear, if I don't make myself seem the dominant one, and look out for me, it will be bad, thus putting another down gives you something to stand on.  No wonder our world has so many problems, if there are many operating from this standpoint.  Why can't we all operate from a "what is the best overall option" standpoint?

So, what does all this have to do with Cambodia?  Well, it is another thing I must work out in my head (just like the gender issues of my last week's struggle).  If I treat a child with the same respect I treat a grandfather, how do I explain this when I 'need not' respect the child?  Or said differently, to some it seems disrespectful to the "higher" if I equally respect the "lower." All of these nuances are parts of life, I think I had a better handle on in my own culture but, like with gender norms, I am back to square one in some senses figuring it out.  I guess though, I would rather the lower feels respected for once and typically have less worry for the higher, they have enough people grovelling at their feet.  Besides, there is a great quote that says something like if you aren't annoyed, you aren't paying attention - maybe it is time the "higher" start paying attention...

While you enjoy this fine tune, I give you some photos of people I respect here in Cambodia.

 

This is Rota.  She is currently in a convent in Kampong Cham because she wants to be a nun and help people :)  We met while I was in Kampong Cham and hopefully will meet again!  She taught me, in Cambodia, you always wash the drinking glasses first, never the dirty plates.  Then, you can use the same wash water.  She definitely has a heart for the greater good above her own desires.

 

This is Hil.  She is also studying to be a nun, largely because our attempt at being Khmer dancers failed ;)  She is from one of the native tribes that live in the N.E. of the country.  She speaks an indigenous language, as well as Khmer. I sadly, don't remember from which tribe her family comes, but she sang beautifully in the language for me!

 

This is Kunthea.  She is another one of my language teachers.  I have great respect for her as she is a strong, single woman in a country where that is not the norm.  She also is raising her nephew to allow him to get a good education, as the rural province where his family lives has no great schools.  She is very forward thinking in terms of things like savings accounts.  And, she seems to work tirelessly for others, especially her nephew.

There are many more on this list, but, need to save some great people for future blogs!  Share a little respect today!