“One time, someone asked for the toilet and I brought them a
plate.” This is everyone's favorite story to tell me here in my
village of an English misunderstanding. Oh, the joys of English.
Suddenly, I find myself teaching English. As I have said, multiple
times, I am super unqualified for such things. I can learn
languages. On a good day, I can speak English. BUT, to teach
it?!?!? How do I explain why asking do you have a fan uses “a”
and Do you have toilet paper does not? That is just the way you say
it. The implication of 'some' in regard to toilet paper, thus it is
plural (ish) and you can't use “a” makes sense in my head but I
don't know the rule for this and for people who haven't studied
letters, words like plural and singular are a bit vague... And, I of
course don't know them in Khmer. Plus, the Khmer language does not
have this structure (unlike the romance languages I have studied,
thus the concept is bizarre). Really should have become certified to
teach English before coming. Best part of this English-teaching
endeavor. For which, I wish I had a photo. After my adult class,
they specifically want to learn tourist/receiving guest vocab, the
kiddos come...
Yesterday, one munchkin asked to study. So, we learned some words
together. He was enthusiastic and I made things up as I went. He
asked today what time, so I gave him a time. He asked if he should
bring a writing book and pencil, I said yes. Exactly an hour and a
half before I told him to come, he comes proudly marching through the
gate with his book and pencil in a little bag. With another 10
kiddos proudly walking behind, each with their pencil and book in
bag. I was literally laughing my face off. It was the cutest thing
I have seen in a long time, needless to say, I again, had to fly by
the seat of my pants and make something up that worked for eleven
kids. With another four to five floating in and out and some running
through our space with a soccer ball. Oh, did I mention these kids
span probably around five years to 10 or 11 years old... And, cover
five grade levels. I have a white board, two different colored
markers and far too little imagination :) Though, I will consider it
a miracle I got them to sit (ish) and pay attention (maybe) for an
hour (let's just go with happy no one hit anyone else hard enough to
draw blood, these kids smack to communicate with each other). Now, I
just need to learn to read books in Khmer so we can have story
time...
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Saturday, May 31, 2014
Leaving Phnom Penh
That's right, folks! I am leaving Phnom Penh!
This picture is where I will be living for the next month. To the Campo I go! For some reason, that Spanish word describes it best. With Maryknoll Lay Missioners, we are encouraged to do a language immersion in our first six months here. The purpose of this is to be completely surrounded by Khmer and come back speaking like a native... errr... to be able to understand more... to not contract a parasite? :) Yes, we are meant to immerse ourselves in the culture and language of our new home. For those who know me well, you will not be surprised that I am super excited for this opportunity. My Khmer is coming along. I can usually communicate what I want to say to Khmer, though, my teachers understand my terrible accent better than the average person on the road.
I will be living at a parish in Kampong Cham (a province about three hours northeast of where I currently live, or around 160 km – divide by five multiple by three - 96 miles????) You can learn a thing or two about the roads based on that... But, I digress. So, this parish has been there for about 20 years. It is in a small village call Koroka (my spelling, not their's). This village got electricity two years ago. They have about 60-80 youth that regularly participate in activities with the church (small portion are Catholic). There are a few small-ish fields on the property which are farmed, I would say maybe an acre and a half. They grow ground nuts (peanuts), corn, and various other vegetables. The folks who work on the farm are able to work there for 2-3 years and are typically folks that are struggling (one was recently widowed before she started working there). The time limit helps to keep from creating a dependency relationship but gives folks the ability to keep going through a tough time. The parish also own a rice field near by their main location.
Everyone keeps asking what exactly I will be doing... Not sure :) I will hopefully be able to help with the day-to-day farming tasks. Maybe will learn a bit about growing rice. The youth have a dance group, so, maybe will learn some traditional dance. Basically, it will be a time to practice langauge and learn more about the average lives of Khmer folks. Being rural, internet will also be a less regular occurance, so I will be a bit off the grid until July - great for future discernment, language study, and being fully present to this Cambodian Adventure!
Until July (most likely), I leave you with these photos of my new neighborhood!
This picture is where I will be living for the next month. To the Campo I go! For some reason, that Spanish word describes it best. With Maryknoll Lay Missioners, we are encouraged to do a language immersion in our first six months here. The purpose of this is to be completely surrounded by Khmer and come back speaking like a native... errr... to be able to understand more... to not contract a parasite? :) Yes, we are meant to immerse ourselves in the culture and language of our new home. For those who know me well, you will not be surprised that I am super excited for this opportunity. My Khmer is coming along. I can usually communicate what I want to say to Khmer, though, my teachers understand my terrible accent better than the average person on the road.
I will be living at a parish in Kampong Cham (a province about three hours northeast of where I currently live, or around 160 km – divide by five multiple by three - 96 miles????) You can learn a thing or two about the roads based on that... But, I digress. So, this parish has been there for about 20 years. It is in a small village call Koroka (my spelling, not their's). This village got electricity two years ago. They have about 60-80 youth that regularly participate in activities with the church (small portion are Catholic). There are a few small-ish fields on the property which are farmed, I would say maybe an acre and a half. They grow ground nuts (peanuts), corn, and various other vegetables. The folks who work on the farm are able to work there for 2-3 years and are typically folks that are struggling (one was recently widowed before she started working there). The time limit helps to keep from creating a dependency relationship but gives folks the ability to keep going through a tough time. The parish also own a rice field near by their main location.
Everyone keeps asking what exactly I will be doing... Not sure :) I will hopefully be able to help with the day-to-day farming tasks. Maybe will learn a bit about growing rice. The youth have a dance group, so, maybe will learn some traditional dance. Basically, it will be a time to practice langauge and learn more about the average lives of Khmer folks. Being rural, internet will also be a less regular occurance, so I will be a bit off the grid until July - great for future discernment, language study, and being fully present to this Cambodian Adventure!
Until July (most likely), I leave you with these photos of my new neighborhood!
This is at the church in the city 10 minutes or so from my village. This is inculturation, Jesus in typical Buddha sitting position.
Cambodian Creche at the same church
Guest Hut. There are about five of these on the property for visitors. I stayed here while visiting but will be blessed with a bed for my month long stay.
Mosquito net over the mat on the floor aka bed in the hut.
Shower! That is called a Piung. It holds water. There is a little scoop bucket to scoop and pour.
Jesus sitting on the church property. NOTE THE TREES! :)
This is their Jesus outdoor chapel/shrine. Great mural!
View from behind the property. This whole area is flood plains so this may all be under water in my time there. I will have to walk over and check the water levels each day! I believe, we decided this was currently planted with peanuts...
The Mighty Mekong River. Short walk from my new home. This will definitely rise in my time there.
Mekong
A man moving his cows to graze in a different area. This will probably also be under water.
Thursday, May 29, 2014
Open a bakery
If my future as a weaver doesn't work, maybe I will open a
bakery...Today , I had the privilege of teaching my language
teacher how to make a cake and cookies. Folks here don't have ovens,
many don't have indoor stoves but use charcoal to cook, so these are
new concepts. And, the no-bake cookies were especially designed for
such situations! Yahoo for new vocabulary!
Ok, really, the point of this is to share more of my future job options and more of the work of Maryknoll Lay Missioners here in Cambodia (I am not opening a baker or weaving). To clarify, as last post confused folks, I am just sharing all the places I have visited chronological, any are options for my future ministry placement.
Karol and Setha, which is an acronym for Knowledge and Reflection On Life and SExuality Through a Holistic Approach, works with predominantly youth around healthy relationships. They lead popular education style workshops and examine everything from gender roles to sex work. Cambodia is in an interesting place that it is 'old-fashioned' in the sense that the male is definitely the one in charge, especially of sexual relationships. Communication between the genders is not the norm, even now. For example, at weddings, often all the men will sit at one table and the wives will sit at another because then the men can drink and joke around, which apparently can't occur as freely if the women are there. Women also can't go out in the evening, unless married/with their husband or with family or they are thought of as bad girls while men can be out until all hours of the night. There are huge gender gaps, I am sure beyond what I have even thus far observed. That being said, this generation has much more global exposure and thus they are more 'progressive' which not only leads to conflicts within parent/child relationships, youth receive no real training on healthy relationships and communication. Karol and Setha attempts to fill that void. One of the most poignant examples I have heard is that women just accept that men go to massage parlors or other locations for "special services" because they believe men need to have sex like they need to eat food and drink water. Funny how when men control the truth the absolutely ridiculous things that work to their 'advantage' become the norm. Now, I am sure some of you are saying, "They are so messed up!" But, please try to remember, it is a cultural difference I share not so we can pass judgement but see that things are definitely different. And, in someways it is not so different than we were 60 years ago in the states
Another site, which is the second home, aka workplace, to three Maryknoll folks, is the Boeung Tun Pun (BTP) Project. Boeng is the word for lake and this area is right by the lake/in the lake. Well, it is a lake for a little while longer. They are actively filling it in with sand to build a large shopping center among other things (Civil Engineers, feel free to express what a wise idea it is to build large structures on top of lakes that were filled in with sand, especially when there seems to be no plan as to where the water will go that usually floods into that lake for five months a year). So, this project doesn't deal with the infrastructure challenges, it works with the incredibly economically poor and marginalized folks that live in that area. Many folks come from the provinces to live there and seek work in Phnom Penh, they are now being relocated. This is an area where some folks have one pair of clothing, no shoes, and homes constructed of whatever they can find at times. Needless to say, basic needs are a challenge. The program runs a number of early education centers (pre-school/daycare), school support programs, scholarships of uniforms and backpacks for kids, health outreach, transportation to the hospital, assistance with prescriptions, small loans, basically, most of your very BASIC needs services (you know those guaranteed human rights according to the UN). As many of you know, I have a love of first graders, one of the classes at BTP is for first graders who can't seem to learn to read. Some of them will repeat this class multiple times with no ability to make it past the equivalent of abc for us. There are no resources in the public school system for educationally delayed students and they honestly don't even know if it is a form of dyslexia, malnutrition, or other issue inhibiting these children's ability to succeed. Thus, NGOs such as BTP are working to fill this gap.
Raneth learning to cream butter and sugar
Just the two of us in our matching aprons!
I learned how to say mix so it doesn't burn. Then, I forgot the word for burn... At least five times... I still don't remember! (Darn those multiple syllable words)
Reason number 200 I love this country, you sit around on the floor to make food. For those who have eaten my food (stop reading), I have a tendency to do this anyway so I fit right in! (And, the food is never directly on the floor just the pan)
Learning to make butter cream frosting. Though, I am going to give up on such things soon because the butter here all has a funny taste, as does the milk, so it is just not the same.
Filling the cake with cashew butter cream frosting.
Drawing on the cake! Everyone can embrace their inner-child for cake decorating!
Finished product! The one with both of us didn't turn out :( But, she is prettier any way! Next, time on baking with Karen, we will make the chocolate cake with almond frosting that is my fav cake my mama makes!
Ok, really, the point of this is to share more of my future job options and more of the work of Maryknoll Lay Missioners here in Cambodia (I am not opening a baker or weaving). To clarify, as last post confused folks, I am just sharing all the places I have visited chronological, any are options for my future ministry placement.
Karol and Setha, which is an acronym for Knowledge and Reflection On Life and SExuality Through a Holistic Approach, works with predominantly youth around healthy relationships. They lead popular education style workshops and examine everything from gender roles to sex work. Cambodia is in an interesting place that it is 'old-fashioned' in the sense that the male is definitely the one in charge, especially of sexual relationships. Communication between the genders is not the norm, even now. For example, at weddings, often all the men will sit at one table and the wives will sit at another because then the men can drink and joke around, which apparently can't occur as freely if the women are there. Women also can't go out in the evening, unless married/with their husband or with family or they are thought of as bad girls while men can be out until all hours of the night. There are huge gender gaps, I am sure beyond what I have even thus far observed. That being said, this generation has much more global exposure and thus they are more 'progressive' which not only leads to conflicts within parent/child relationships, youth receive no real training on healthy relationships and communication. Karol and Setha attempts to fill that void. One of the most poignant examples I have heard is that women just accept that men go to massage parlors or other locations for "special services" because they believe men need to have sex like they need to eat food and drink water. Funny how when men control the truth the absolutely ridiculous things that work to their 'advantage' become the norm. Now, I am sure some of you are saying, "They are so messed up!" But, please try to remember, it is a cultural difference I share not so we can pass judgement but see that things are definitely different. And, in someways it is not so different than we were 60 years ago in the states
Another site, which is the second home, aka workplace, to three Maryknoll folks, is the Boeung Tun Pun (BTP) Project. Boeng is the word for lake and this area is right by the lake/in the lake. Well, it is a lake for a little while longer. They are actively filling it in with sand to build a large shopping center among other things (Civil Engineers, feel free to express what a wise idea it is to build large structures on top of lakes that were filled in with sand, especially when there seems to be no plan as to where the water will go that usually floods into that lake for five months a year). So, this project doesn't deal with the infrastructure challenges, it works with the incredibly economically poor and marginalized folks that live in that area. Many folks come from the provinces to live there and seek work in Phnom Penh, they are now being relocated. This is an area where some folks have one pair of clothing, no shoes, and homes constructed of whatever they can find at times. Needless to say, basic needs are a challenge. The program runs a number of early education centers (pre-school/daycare), school support programs, scholarships of uniforms and backpacks for kids, health outreach, transportation to the hospital, assistance with prescriptions, small loans, basically, most of your very BASIC needs services (you know those guaranteed human rights according to the UN). As many of you know, I have a love of first graders, one of the classes at BTP is for first graders who can't seem to learn to read. Some of them will repeat this class multiple times with no ability to make it past the equivalent of abc for us. There are no resources in the public school system for educationally delayed students and they honestly don't even know if it is a form of dyslexia, malnutrition, or other issue inhibiting these children's ability to succeed. Thus, NGOs such as BTP are working to fill this gap.
Friday, May 23, 2014
What do I want to be when I grow up...
What do I want to be when I grow up? That seems to be a constant question I face. At this point, four, going on five, months into my time here, it is time to start figuring out what I will do for ministry. For those that are not aware of this process, basically, we spend six months learning the language (because how do you plan to serve alongside people when you cannot communicate). During this time, new missioners visit existing missioners' work sites, as well as any other non-profit organization in which they have an interest. After much contemplation, we pick one in which to work (with the invitation of the organization of course). So, I am in that searching stage for what I will do when I grow up... in two months...
I thought I would share with you some of the projects I have visited, and the awesome things my groupmates are doing. One other note, I will probably not have many pictures in these descriptions. I struggle with this, as I know many of you will never be to Cambodia and I want to show you what I see. Having been trained as a fundraiser, I also know that kids and puppies are what tug on heart strings (put a 'poor' kid with a 'poor' dog on your site and donations rise, people keep reading, etc). I, personally, find much of this exploitative so will be trying to tread lightly with photos. How would I feel if someone was taking a picture of me in my home because it was different or of my kid because he hadn't yet taken a bath that day? Let's be honest, cops would be called :) So, I will be trying to only provide you with pictures when the parties involved give permission or individuals are not pictured.
So, following that disclosure, projects I have visited... The first one I went to see was the Deaf Development Project (DDP). The DDP is the place of work to two of my groupmates. This organization provides an education to adults that are deaf. The students, age 15 and up, have never met another deaf person before coming to DDP, in general. They are unable to attend school and have no way to communicate. They are completely isolated, except for whatever interaction their family provides which is often not positive. DDP teaches these adults to use their 'voice' by giving them language. They gain community by being with others who are deaf. They also receive vocational training so they can, hopefully, find employment upon completion of the program. As a person who is very community motivated, I can't even begin to imagine how hard it would be to be unable to communicate but that is the reality of many here in Cambodia. DDP is currently working with the children's school for the deaf and they are together developing what will be THE Cambodian Sign Language. Currently, American Sign Language is largely used with the children so they are trying to universalize - obviously, this is essential for building a sustainable Deaf Community in the country. My past experience with the Deaf Community within the US specifically triggered my interest in this project and it is fascinating to see how much overlap there is with signs (at least the ones I remember in ASL). The DDP recently released a documentary about their work. it is short only six minutes, if you want to learn more. (It is an AWESOME Film, I think).
The second missioner with whom I talked was James. He works at Love146. On organization that works around human trafficking issues. His specific research focus is on the demand side of sex trafficking. The studies on which he works strive to understand the motives of those who will buy another human being for sex. Some of the stories which he has heard and learned are horrendous. Unfortunately, here in Cambodia, trafficking is very common. And, not just into the sex industry. People in search of better jobs will be taken overseas and imprisoned for low wages and in horrendous work condition. Men in particular may be 'employed' on fishing boats that head out to sea and don't dock for YEARS, one recent story I heard was of a man who was on a ship for four years. If these men protest, they are simply thrown overboard and new ones are brought on board. I was very interested in what he had to share as I have studied Human Trafficking a fair amount independently and it seems like so many people focus on the victims. I have always felt until we focus on the 'demand' side, there will always be more tricked into the 'supply,.' so it was interesting to see what that looked like here. I also had to opportunity to get a tour of the red light district with this ministry and learn all sorts of fun facts, like the fact that the sex industry really picked up when the UN came to Cambodia. Love146 also has a video here about their work.
I will leave you with some more happy thoughts. Recently, my friend Ingrid with whom I studied at UP came to visit Cambodia at the end of her backpacking adventures.
On one of the first days she was here, we attempted to find silk island. That failed. But, we still found a place that made silk and had fun doing it!
I thought I would share with you some of the projects I have visited, and the awesome things my groupmates are doing. One other note, I will probably not have many pictures in these descriptions. I struggle with this, as I know many of you will never be to Cambodia and I want to show you what I see. Having been trained as a fundraiser, I also know that kids and puppies are what tug on heart strings (put a 'poor' kid with a 'poor' dog on your site and donations rise, people keep reading, etc). I, personally, find much of this exploitative so will be trying to tread lightly with photos. How would I feel if someone was taking a picture of me in my home because it was different or of my kid because he hadn't yet taken a bath that day? Let's be honest, cops would be called :) So, I will be trying to only provide you with pictures when the parties involved give permission or individuals are not pictured.
So, following that disclosure, projects I have visited... The first one I went to see was the Deaf Development Project (DDP). The DDP is the place of work to two of my groupmates. This organization provides an education to adults that are deaf. The students, age 15 and up, have never met another deaf person before coming to DDP, in general. They are unable to attend school and have no way to communicate. They are completely isolated, except for whatever interaction their family provides which is often not positive. DDP teaches these adults to use their 'voice' by giving them language. They gain community by being with others who are deaf. They also receive vocational training so they can, hopefully, find employment upon completion of the program. As a person who is very community motivated, I can't even begin to imagine how hard it would be to be unable to communicate but that is the reality of many here in Cambodia. DDP is currently working with the children's school for the deaf and they are together developing what will be THE Cambodian Sign Language. Currently, American Sign Language is largely used with the children so they are trying to universalize - obviously, this is essential for building a sustainable Deaf Community in the country. My past experience with the Deaf Community within the US specifically triggered my interest in this project and it is fascinating to see how much overlap there is with signs (at least the ones I remember in ASL). The DDP recently released a documentary about their work. it is short only six minutes, if you want to learn more. (It is an AWESOME Film, I think).
The second missioner with whom I talked was James. He works at Love146. On organization that works around human trafficking issues. His specific research focus is on the demand side of sex trafficking. The studies on which he works strive to understand the motives of those who will buy another human being for sex. Some of the stories which he has heard and learned are horrendous. Unfortunately, here in Cambodia, trafficking is very common. And, not just into the sex industry. People in search of better jobs will be taken overseas and imprisoned for low wages and in horrendous work condition. Men in particular may be 'employed' on fishing boats that head out to sea and don't dock for YEARS, one recent story I heard was of a man who was on a ship for four years. If these men protest, they are simply thrown overboard and new ones are brought on board. I was very interested in what he had to share as I have studied Human Trafficking a fair amount independently and it seems like so many people focus on the victims. I have always felt until we focus on the 'demand' side, there will always be more tricked into the 'supply,.' so it was interesting to see what that looked like here. I also had to opportunity to get a tour of the red light district with this ministry and learn all sorts of fun facts, like the fact that the sex industry really picked up when the UN came to Cambodia. Love146 also has a video here about their work.
I will leave you with some more happy thoughts. Recently, my friend Ingrid with whom I studied at UP came to visit Cambodia at the end of her backpacking adventures.
On one of the first days she was here, we attempted to find silk island. That failed. But, we still found a place that made silk and had fun doing it!
Lexy and Ingrid (Lexy is here with another mission group from Venezuela)
Mariana and Eslendy in the tuktuk on the way to our adventure. With the same group from Venezuela. Yes, there are moments when riding through Cambodia, in a tuktuk, speaking Spanish you have to say, 'isn't life funny?'
Small white specks are silk worms.
Showing us the silk eggs hatching to silk worms.
These are the silk cocoons (yellow) They are heated and then spun into rough thread. That is further processed and spun in the smooth thread we recognize as silk.
Learning to use the loom.
I couldn't imagine sitting and doing this eight hours/day
Feet are involved as well.
This was a simple pattern. The more advanced multi-color, not just stripe patterns, can take one week just to set up the loom. It is mesmerizing to watch! Well, when a professional does it. When I was doing it, it was probably more like watching a train wreck in slow motion.
And, last but not least, these beauties are on my front porch. As long as I keep them watered, they seem to bloom every month to every other month :)
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
The World Cries With Us
Sometimes, the Universe plays the song you need to hear.
For those that did not yet know, my beloved Grandma passed away this past Saturday. For those that didn't have the privilege of knowing her, she is the Grandma I often described as a lot like me but with different 'issues' about which she was passionate. She cooked everything from scratch. Made the world's best sourdough bread and apricot jam, for some reason that is all I want to eat at the moment but am getting by on cookies and ice cream. Her "People" were her top priority. She was passionately committed to the Catholic church and working against issues she found to be injustices. She had a competitive streak, especially if a deck of cards was involved, that was unmatched. She was frugal in her own life but generous to those in need and in her support of her people and causes. Basically, she was pretty awesome. If anyone would like to join hearts with my family, she was a huge fan of the rosary but any moment of prayer and good vibes would be appreciated on May 3, from 9:30am -11am (ish) they will be having the funeral in Oregon. Since, I can't be there in person, I am inviting others to also be there in spirit with me and the whole famalam.
So, why do I say the universe plays the song you need to hear? I was sitting on my floor, reading her obituary, and crying my eyes out with Wallace the stuffed bear (moments ago). When suddenly, the world started crying with me. In our 100 plus degree days, these rains are magical on the tin roofs and rare occurrences. I, literally, went and stood in the road for about five minutes, until I was soaked to the core and every Khmer person that saw me was completely convinced I was insane. This one is for you, Grandma!
And, sometimes, the thunder rattles your bones, shaking you to the very core.
Sometimes the lightning, burns up your every routine and rhythm, your very way of life.
And, sometimes, the world cries with you.
Sometimes, the skies darken, hiding every light and hope.
And, sometimes, the clouds roll in without warning or a chance to run.
Sometimes, the darkness blots out the future and the past, even the flowers shield their face.
And, sometimes, the world cries with you.
Sometimes, the rains crash down, soaking every molecule of your being.
And, sometimes, the deluge leaves you cold and alone.
Sometimes, the rains flood out all you hoped to do and leave you with nothing but washed out memories and dreams.
And, sometimes the world cries with you.
But, sometimes, the sun breaks through those clouds.
And, sometimes, those same rains baptize us to a new way of life.
Sometimes, the downpour will wash away our pain.
Because, we know we are not alone when the world cries with us.
For those that did not yet know, my beloved Grandma passed away this past Saturday. For those that didn't have the privilege of knowing her, she is the Grandma I often described as a lot like me but with different 'issues' about which she was passionate. She cooked everything from scratch. Made the world's best sourdough bread and apricot jam, for some reason that is all I want to eat at the moment but am getting by on cookies and ice cream. Her "People" were her top priority. She was passionately committed to the Catholic church and working against issues she found to be injustices. She had a competitive streak, especially if a deck of cards was involved, that was unmatched. She was frugal in her own life but generous to those in need and in her support of her people and causes. Basically, she was pretty awesome. If anyone would like to join hearts with my family, she was a huge fan of the rosary but any moment of prayer and good vibes would be appreciated on May 3, from 9:30am -11am (ish) they will be having the funeral in Oregon. Since, I can't be there in person, I am inviting others to also be there in spirit with me and the whole famalam.
So, why do I say the universe plays the song you need to hear? I was sitting on my floor, reading her obituary, and crying my eyes out with Wallace the stuffed bear (moments ago). When suddenly, the world started crying with me. In our 100 plus degree days, these rains are magical on the tin roofs and rare occurrences. I, literally, went and stood in the road for about five minutes, until I was soaked to the core and every Khmer person that saw me was completely convinced I was insane. This one is for you, Grandma!
The World Cries With Us (by Karen Bortvedt for Gma)
Sometimes the lightning slices through your body, imploding your heart, sending pain through every nerve.And, sometimes, the thunder rattles your bones, shaking you to the very core.
Sometimes the lightning, burns up your every routine and rhythm, your very way of life.
And, sometimes, the world cries with you.
Sometimes, the skies darken, hiding every light and hope.
And, sometimes, the clouds roll in without warning or a chance to run.
Sometimes, the darkness blots out the future and the past, even the flowers shield their face.
And, sometimes, the world cries with you.
Sometimes, the rains crash down, soaking every molecule of your being.
And, sometimes, the deluge leaves you cold and alone.
Sometimes, the rains flood out all you hoped to do and leave you with nothing but washed out memories and dreams.
And, sometimes the world cries with you.
But, sometimes, the sun breaks through those clouds.
And, sometimes, those same rains baptize us to a new way of life.
Sometimes, the downpour will wash away our pain.
Because, we know we are not alone when the world cries with us.
Friday, April 25, 2014
Journey Inwards
This past week (or two weeks), I was away for ten days at a yoga and meditation retreat. It was the Khmer New Year here which meant things shut down for a while and so I figured it was a good time to journey inwards. This is some of what I found.
Ok, I didn't find this inside of me. This was a bit of the six hour bus ride up to Siem Reap (my retreat was outside Siem Reap in a small farming village). This was filmed specifically for my cousin Zachary who valiantly attempted to teach me the Gangam Style dance at our other cousin's wedding. Some good tunes were played in my Cambodian bus. You will notice, the road is a bit rough. People with money generally fly to Siem Reap from Phnom Penh, thus, no pressure to fix the roads. But, it was still better than Ghana's Eastern road, to put it in perspective.
So, I digress. I made my retreat at a place called Hariharalaya which offers 10-day to forever retreats at which folks can learn yoga/meditation and have many opportunities to practice. They have a very peaceful location in a rural area, though very close to one of the temples on the Angkor Wat tour circuit. There were trees (mango, banana, coconut, plus others I don't know), oh how I have missed such things. I stayed in a simple dorm, thatch roof and room for the wind to blow in between the joints. I would fall asleep to the sounds of hundreds of crickets, geckos, frogs, toads, dogs, and the thumping of the neighbor's sound system. It was beautiful. They also served us three vegan meals each day made with all local foods. That, too, was beautiful. Foods were not to spicy and relatively simple, as complex foods and spicy foods impact ones body increasing anxiety and decreasing ability to concentrate (you can choose to buy that or not, but as a person whose stomach can't handle complex foods and who feels better not eating meat, it works for me).
Each day, we spent time 'practicing' yoga, meditation, chanting, and working on centering. I spent three of the days in silence, two without reading and writing attempting to further slow myself down. Why do all of this? The theories behind this, in my opinion, is that we are all so rush, stimulated and connected, in today's world especially, and taking time to recenter allows us to have better focus, to be more content and at peace with the way things are, living in the present moment instead of constantly longing for the past or dreaming of the future.
As many of you know, this is far more easily said than done. On the longest days of meditation and yoga, including my personally added time to increase the amount of stretching and get the most out of my 10-days, it was about eight hours of sitting still or practicing yoga. HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO SIT UNMOVING FOR 50 MINUTES, at one time, in 100 degree weather with mosquitoes and flies having a party on every bit of bare flesh they can find, without opening your eyes? :) Needless to say, at times, it took every ounce of my stubbornness to sit still.
I have yet to master the stilling of my mind, the body was a tough enough task but definitely made me more aware of how much we move in this life. I also have been reminded how we are conditioned to believe an ability to multitask, getting pulled in multiple directions at once, watching tv, while eating, texting, and having a dinner party is a skill, while I think that constant over stimulation may also be to our detriment (she writes while eating watermelon, checking her email, and contemplating if she should stay up and study more Khmer or just go to sleep).
So, yes, have I been changed for life? Maybe. I am trying to continue meditating multiple times each day and am paying more attention to my breathing. I have noticed my ability to concentrate is stronger than when I left and I internally feel less frantic/anxious. Part of my embarking on this new path and moving to Cambodia was to become a more patient person, so this is one more tool in my toolbox. *Huh, tool, I know how to say that in Khmer, she thinks as her mind again jumps away from the blog on which she is working*
I leave you with a few photos of the peaceful place I called home for ten days.
Ok, I didn't find this inside of me. This was a bit of the six hour bus ride up to Siem Reap (my retreat was outside Siem Reap in a small farming village). This was filmed specifically for my cousin Zachary who valiantly attempted to teach me the Gangam Style dance at our other cousin's wedding. Some good tunes were played in my Cambodian bus. You will notice, the road is a bit rough. People with money generally fly to Siem Reap from Phnom Penh, thus, no pressure to fix the roads. But, it was still better than Ghana's Eastern road, to put it in perspective.
So, I digress. I made my retreat at a place called Hariharalaya which offers 10-day to forever retreats at which folks can learn yoga/meditation and have many opportunities to practice. They have a very peaceful location in a rural area, though very close to one of the temples on the Angkor Wat tour circuit. There were trees (mango, banana, coconut, plus others I don't know), oh how I have missed such things. I stayed in a simple dorm, thatch roof and room for the wind to blow in between the joints. I would fall asleep to the sounds of hundreds of crickets, geckos, frogs, toads, dogs, and the thumping of the neighbor's sound system. It was beautiful. They also served us three vegan meals each day made with all local foods. That, too, was beautiful. Foods were not to spicy and relatively simple, as complex foods and spicy foods impact ones body increasing anxiety and decreasing ability to concentrate (you can choose to buy that or not, but as a person whose stomach can't handle complex foods and who feels better not eating meat, it works for me).
Each day, we spent time 'practicing' yoga, meditation, chanting, and working on centering. I spent three of the days in silence, two without reading and writing attempting to further slow myself down. Why do all of this? The theories behind this, in my opinion, is that we are all so rush, stimulated and connected, in today's world especially, and taking time to recenter allows us to have better focus, to be more content and at peace with the way things are, living in the present moment instead of constantly longing for the past or dreaming of the future.
As many of you know, this is far more easily said than done. On the longest days of meditation and yoga, including my personally added time to increase the amount of stretching and get the most out of my 10-days, it was about eight hours of sitting still or practicing yoga. HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO SIT UNMOVING FOR 50 MINUTES, at one time, in 100 degree weather with mosquitoes and flies having a party on every bit of bare flesh they can find, without opening your eyes? :) Needless to say, at times, it took every ounce of my stubbornness to sit still.
I have yet to master the stilling of my mind, the body was a tough enough task but definitely made me more aware of how much we move in this life. I also have been reminded how we are conditioned to believe an ability to multitask, getting pulled in multiple directions at once, watching tv, while eating, texting, and having a dinner party is a skill, while I think that constant over stimulation may also be to our detriment (she writes while eating watermelon, checking her email, and contemplating if she should stay up and study more Khmer or just go to sleep).
So, yes, have I been changed for life? Maybe. I am trying to continue meditating multiple times each day and am paying more attention to my breathing. I have noticed my ability to concentrate is stronger than when I left and I internally feel less frantic/anxious. Part of my embarking on this new path and moving to Cambodia was to become a more patient person, so this is one more tool in my toolbox. *Huh, tool, I know how to say that in Khmer, she thinks as her mind again jumps away from the blog on which she is working*
I leave you with a few photos of the peaceful place I called home for ten days.
This was one of three outdoor showers. It is called the Mango Shower as it is covered by a mango tree. It was a freshing shower experience!
This is the yoga and meditation hall. Though, when in use it quickly filled with mats, pillows, and around 20-40 people.
From my dorm, this was one of the views. Look at all them trees :) Notice the hammocks and outdoor sink.
There was one swing tied to a tree. I spent many free moments on that swing. This was my view. The fence detracted just a wee bit. It was fun to watch the world go by my little escape from reality.
This is the view from the fence. Crazy foreigner on a swing :)
Sometimes this guy would keep me company, he seemed to live near the swing. He also liked to sing me to sleep at night. Maybe I should have given him a smooch for his hard work.
Nothing profound. But yet, so profound. Slowing down to see the flowers.
And, the ants. These ants apparently are very sour. They are fried up with beef for a specialty dish served regularly at weddings. I was just impressed with their work ethic. They also always stopped to greet each other :)
I don't know the story of this red bug, but he was pretty cute. This one was for you Mallory C.!
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Critters of Cambodia, AKA my housemates
After you have all seen a bit about my house here, I thought I would share about all those who live in this space.
You already met Tony, the guard dog.
We also share our space with a good number of geckos/lizards/salamanders, I am at a loss for which they are. Such details of biology are best left to other members of my family. They range in size from as big as my forearm to little tiny guys. Here is one of the little guys I caught. He was hanging out on the floor and I feared he would get smashed, so I moved him to a safe corner. But, first he had a photo shoot.
You already met Tony, the guard dog.
We also share our space with a good number of geckos/lizards/salamanders, I am at a loss for which they are. Such details of biology are best left to other members of my family. They range in size from as big as my forearm to little tiny guys. Here is one of the little guys I caught. He was hanging out on the floor and I feared he would get smashed, so I moved him to a safe corner. But, first he had a photo shoot.
I named this one Lizard-Beth Salamander. Kudos to all who know what book I was reading when that name came about...
This is my favorite picture! You can see all the insides! This is one of those moments where I said, wow, life is pretty cool.
Then, there are these little guys... I will give you a hint. They go marching one-by-one hurrah!
For those who have read One Hundred Years of Solitude, I try not to think about that book while observing these in every part of my kitchen. I literally have to wash out my teapot every time before I use it as the little buggers seem to now like to hang out in there. I need to start farming more Lizard-Beths to help with this problem...
And, last, but certainly not least. When I went to take a shower the other day. This little friend was hanging out in the window.
Hopefully, he had a nice snack of any mosquitoes that happened to wander by the house. As you can see, he was tiny!
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